Quick recap: In the Part 1 and Part 2 we have established that while a well-defined stressful incident (like being fired from a job), traumatic period in the past (e.g. being abused as a child), or even physical trauma can trigger an initial bout of depression, things can quickly spiral out of control due to self-feeding nature of organic, mental and emotional patterns such an episode can bring.
Being incessantly rehearsed in one's mind, negative thinking patterns and perceptions soon become a deeply ingrained belief, and then even become a real feature in one's life.
Here is a pretty common example: for whatever reason, a person decides that they are not good enough. By their own subjective standards they have failed as a spouse, as a professional, or in whatever capacity that is most important to them. By taking the initially isolated sense of failure further, they begin to feel as if they are deeply flawed as a person. All-pervasive feeling of shame begins to work its way into their psyche, and before they know it they dislike themselves so much they begin to isolate from people who are important to them. They suddenly feel like they are not good enough to be sincerely appreciated or wanted as a company. They no longer initiate contact, and what's worse, they do not return their friends'/loved one's phone calls/emails and reject invitations and offers of company. Left alone, in absence of a different, more balanced perspective, they sink deeper into the sense of inadequacy, left to listen to shaming voices of self-imposed echo-chamber.
Not knowing what to make of their friend's sudden loss of interest, and often assuming they are too busy or simply lost interest in this particular relationship, the now soon-to-be ex friends begin to fall off the map. They do not initiate contact anymore, and the streams of social invitations gradually dries out. Needless to say, that only reinforces our unfortunate recluse's belief in their flaws. Feeling isolated, lonely and inadequate, they will likely to feel and think worse about their person.
Bottom line: a reaction to one unfortunate, traumatic incident mushroomed into an all-pervasive pattern of thought and behavior that did the person in. Their ones mistaken opinion (I am not worthy of a genuine love/friendship) created an objective situation that would only reinforce such a belief.
OK, we outlined the problem - now what about a solution?
As most of us know, simply fighting the way you feel (and what you came to belief) does not work. Especially when your energy is sapped by a depressive episode. What I am proposing may sound a little counter-intuitive at first, but, in my experience, it works much better than the alternatives.
We have established in the previous posts that while a state of depression is supported on three different levels, it is probably easiest to start working on a cognitive change first. So you have a voice inside your head that keeps re-cycling all of those nasty thoughts that just make you feel worthless. And I say - agree with it! Say what?! Yes, agree with it. The dialog can go something like this:
"Judge"-How could I get to this point in my life? All I do is sit in my bed and surf the web all day. I can't believe how lazy, irresponsible and weak I really am.
You: I agree. I am behaving in way that can be seen as irresponsible. I am not doing much these days, which can be seen as being lazy. AND I am loved and beautiful, because life (God, divine will - whatever suits you best) flows through me in every moment I am alive.
I gave this little exchange as an example, but, of course, you can substitute the beginning for any hurtful thoughts you may have.
Instead of trying to fight the validity of the blame simply establish the bigger truth that you deserve to be loved because you are here right now, because you exist. Life, as a loving awareness flows through you and sees the world through you. You are deemed beautiful and loved simply by virtue of being that which life flows through.
This whole 'theory' may not make a lot of sense if you take it as an intellectual exercise. So don't.
Simply try this next time you here the onslaught of blaming-shaming voices within you. Give in.
Acknowledge them, agree with their 'message' and then proceed to love and cherish the life within you anyway. The priceless spark, the soul and the spirit that only you can know - it IS. There is no
reason to keep it cut off.
A little 'trick' I promised to discuss in the part dealing with Emotional component, actually is very much in harmony what I have just shared. I am pleased to say, there is an almost seamless transition from one step to another. I hope to meet with you again in Part 4, Emotional component.
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