...heal thyself

So, I decided to take my own advice from the previous post, and try and renegotiated the terms on which I relate to myself, or, rather the terms on which my Superego relates to little ole me. I thought about it for a moment: what have I been doing up until now? I have been fighting that punishing, scolding inner voice the best I could, wasting most of my energy on this, ultimately, futile pursuit - trying to pretend or prove that I wasn't as bad as it was making me out to be, that I actually deserved acknowledgement and respect. Trying to hold all of that negative talk back and "hold the fort" up until the moment I suddenly couldn't anymore... Then I would give up, concede that I am indeed nothing but a sad, lost, no-good loser and therefore do not have the right to exist. 

Then, predictably, a period of withdrawal and kind of removed, disengaged attitude and depression would follow. So, that is what I have been doing up until now. If ignoring the punishing, berating voice won't do, and fighting it won't do either, than what is there left to do? Reason with it, perhaps? Well, in my experience it helps somewhat, but it does not take away the depth of the emotions its attacks produce anyway. So what then? Agree with it (Gasp!) on the merits (though, perhaps, tone down the degree a notch), but count its basic premise that being faulty automatically means not being worthy of acceptance and love out as untrue. 

It would go something like this:

Punishing voice within: You are a loser - what have you done with your life so far that is good?
I: I may be less accomplished than I could have been, but I still choose to love myself, since this basic love and acceptance is the only real way to be.

Any person who has loved, or even witnessed love in any of its forms - mother to child, lover to lover, owner to their pet will surely know one does not have to be perfect to be accepted and loved. Why, then, should you and I wait until we are flawless to feel good? We should not! Simple as that. Now, the other thing is to remember it and not slip into a familiar pattern of feeling assaulted and having to "prove" myself. There is no proof, and there is no need for the proof. I accept myself as I am and the world around me as it is - in all of its imperfection and beauty.

And I hope you know you are part of that wonderful world as well :)

This is the video I am referring to in this post: