It is extremely hard to deal with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The chaos and emotional turbulence that are at the center of the disease are often too much to bear for both the individual suffering from the disease and her/his loved ones. Trauma created by actions of a person affected with NPD is so great that attention tends to focus almost exclusively on their partner's suffering, and the other party is almost always is regarded as a kind of supernatural "monster" who is totally devoid of feelings and enjoys good people's suffering. I attribute it in part to the shock and pain of the partner once they realized the nature of the relationships they have been participants in, and partly to a tendency in homegrown "experts" on the topic to cross-reference such terms as "sociopath", "psychopath" and "narcissist".

In this blog, I set out to share my personal journey from years of almost unbearable pain and failures in relationship in every area of my life to realizing I have been affected with NPD, to very careful and slow attempts at progress and recovery. It has been years since a particularly ugly break-up forced me into discovering underworld of socio- and psychopathology and Narcissism. At the time I identified the disturbing traits in my ex-partner, and in the effort to understand what happened, I kept pursuing the knowledge in any form - from online posts to interviews with specialists and plain folks who had an encounter with the phenomena, and I had not an earthiest clue that I was affected with the disease myself.

The experience I have been through is not unlike having your world repeatedly turned upside down - from realizing the person you thought you knew is nothing at all like you imagined, to discovering there is a whole group of people you never knew existed, to realizing your own mother was affected by the same disease and that is what made your childhood so unbearably painful, to finally understanding that you yourself came to exhibit the same traits you abhorred so much! At last, because I am only now starting to seriously look at myself from the perspective of knowing about NPD and facing a challenge of recovering from it, I am trying to share whatever insight I gained into this condition with my fellow sufferers and with people who are (or were) close to them and are looking to understand the dynamics.

I do not claim to have all the answers, however I have to say that because of the reason I discuss in my first video, and for many others, mental health industry have, to a large degree, failed to make any significant progress with NPD, and so it is often up to the individual themselves to try and figure out the way out of the maize that is Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and I intent to try my best, so that my findings can benefit not only myself but others. 

All of your comments and/or questions are appreciated, and it would truly mean a lot for the discussion if you help share these posts by, well, sharing it, liking it and posting a comment. Here is a link to my NPDrecovery vlog. Thank you and best wishes to you!