Delusion Dispeller, another youtube voice on the subject of Narcissism, had a couple of videos made where she attempted to explain what a Narcissist really thinks when they say something (you can search for her on youtube to find out more) That gave me a pause and made me think what is it that I routinely say (or, rather, what I used to say when I was a lot less conscious of my emotions and motivations) and what those message would really mean if I could translate them from "Narcissist speak." I looked back at the time when emotional manipulation and blackmail were a big part of my act, and these are main "offenders" I came up with:
When a Narcissist says: "You are..." - insert offensive term, they really mean: "My Ego is threatened by your demeanor and/or behavior and so I jump into "attack" mode in order distract myself from painful realizations about my true place in the world, as well as re-direct my anger at an external source, namely - you."
When he or she says: "I can no longer trust you", they really mean "I feel like I am loosing control over you and can not easily manipulate you into doing what I want, and so I feel powerless, resent and looking to punish you through making you feel less privy to my confidence. Now give me assurances and make me feel like I am on top again" Needless to say - do not take the bait and try to explain yourself to win their trust over again - simply take the statement as a given and move on. Watch them try to conceal their displeasure or confusion, then just keep on keeping on.
When a Narcissist says: "I love you" that may mean many things, for example they are looking to flatter you in order to fool you into doing what they want, or they need some time to think their next step over, but even assuming that they themselves half-believe what they say, they really just mean:
"I feel good around you and I want more of that feeling."
When a Narcissist says: "I am going to destroy you", which could be a surprisingly quick leap from the previous statement, they are really saying "I feel like the only way to support my disintegrating ego is to try and humiliate, intimidate and control you. I will do what I can to diminish you so I can recover from the wound I feel you caused me."
Finally, if the Narcissist says: "Please don't leave me" that means "I am too desperate for attention right now, but I resent how helpless that makes me feel, so I will make you pay for that humiliation as soon as I feel better"
These are the most significant phrases that came to mind when I was pondering that question the original video posed for me. If you have any more habitual phrases from Narcissist's repertoire, or some that you are curious about, please feel free to share it! As always, I am looking forward to hearing from you guys.
Here is the corresponding video for this post that goes over the same material we have discussed here:
Thank you again for your interest and support! Best wishes and I hope to see you again soon!
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