More on psychopathy and its relationship with Narcissism

Here is a quote from Hervey Milton Cleckley, M.D. famous book - The Mask of Sanity, that describes the difficulty psychopathic people experience with deriving meaning from their lives the way a normal people do. While psychopathy is a deeper and more troubling condition than Narcissism (though lines are blurry when we are talking about extreme cases of NPD.) I can not help but see some parallels when it comes to socially appropriate behavior:

"He (the psychopath - NPDrecovery note) cannot achieve true and abiding loyalty to any principle or any person.

He is not adequately moved and he does not find subjective stimuli to make the major issues of life matter sufficiently to promote consistent striving."

In other words, the difficulty lies with not being able to connect and produce emotional satisfaction (or distress) from upholding (or violating) one's values, since values and by extension, rules that protect those values are not given serious consideration in the first place.

What most people find hard to understand is, in effect, a very simple concept: psychopaths and, to some extend, Narcissist behave in a certain way because there is no "barrier" to hold them from violating particular principles. In fact, they do not see it as violating at all, since there are no such values/principles in their world... 

For us breaking someone's heart, betraying trust or taking advantage of a person's kindness is unthinkable, but for them it is just a matter of opportunity to fulfill their needs.

Once again, I see a big difference between psychopathy and NPD, but they are, in effect, within one spectrum (if on the different areas) of a disturbed mind and so one can perceive similarities even when equating the two would be too much of an assumption... 

Q&A: Why do Narcissists sabotage themselves?

Here is a request I received recently:

"(...) Can you explore this subject further in your writing/posts: Narcissists need/want admiration, but the big irony is that when they treat others badly, or fail to show authentic remorse or gratitude, they undermine the very admiration they seek. If they showed true remorse or gratitude, they would build trust and gain deep admiration, rather than pushing people away. When confronted, if instead of saying "I'm so terrible" in a sarcastic tone and feeling threatened by criticism, they instead used some objectivity, offered some sign of caring, of fairness, they would create a reciprocity, and get all they needed! It seems unfortunate that they don't learn this, and keep repeating the pattern. Once again, I really appreciate your work and willingness to put it out there."

Here is a short way to answer it, and I promise  to explore  this further in my book/future posts :

"(...) I guess the difficulty in understanding Narcissist's behavior comes from persistent myth (in my opinion) that Narcissist can make a rational choice in how to react and relate to people. It is called a disorder for a reason (and recent changes do not really cancel that as much as acknowledge overlap of certain conditions) Narcissists can no more control the way they really relate to people than a limping person can control the way they step. That is to say the real reaction to outside stimuli is deeply hardwired in their brain and is hardly a matter of a rational "picking" one view over another. 

Their actions is a whole another story. Many Narcissists, of course, can and do alter their behavior (for a while) to suit their ultimate purpose. However that type of 'surface" adjustment is seen as manipulative and misleading, and only serves to further harden the resentment toward them. But I assure you, this type of concealment of their true relations with people is all they can muster in even most honest attempt to behave in more acceptable way. 

It almost seems like you are proposing that kind of "cost-benefit" analysis when you wonder why they sabotage their own needs. Of course, should the Narcissist heed your advice, there would be many people ready to call them calculating monsters.

Truth is - at least the way I know it - that a Narcissist can not easily change their ways authentically - most of them are far from acknowledging that they even have an issue (in other words they are in complete denial in order to protect themselves from further trauma), let alone setting on a hard road toward finding a solution. The roots of the disorder are far deeper and more intertwined than most people realize. I am sorry I fail to provide you with an easy solution or answer, but I must remain honest, and I fear such a (simple) answer does not exist... (...)"

Upcoming eBook.

Thank you for visiting! Sadly, my video project, the results of which you can find on youtube NPDrecovery channel, has to come to a pause until I find an alternative way of producing similar videos. In a place of the videos, I am currently working on an eBook titled "The desert within - the inner workings of a Narcissist" Please let me know whether you would be interested in receiving the book once it is available. First 10 readers get it at no cost, though I would ask them for a brief (and completely authentic) review in exchange for a copy. Please let me know what you think of the idea and whether you have any questions or requests. Thank you!

Narcissist's biggest fear.

What is it that makes a Narcissist feel truly uncomfortable - what is their biggest fear?

If we were to guess, what would be the first few answers that were likely to appear in our mind? Let's see: first, Narcissist craves attention therefore he must fear being left alone and ignored. Alright, this seems fitting. Also, a Narcissist has an inflated sense of self-worth, which means he hates being treated as a common, unremarkable person as much as he loathes being put down and humiliated. This observation seems fair as well. A Narcissist, in fact, can have very many fears - big and small, all branching out of their distorted view on themselves and reality around them, the "fantastic" view that gets challenged almost at every turn. Then what might we consider to be their biggest, their ultimate fear?

After much digging into my own mind, further researching the topic and considering those who are suspected (or diagnosed) Narcissists, I had to conclude that the fear of all fears for a Narcissist is the fear of losing control.

If you have dealt with a Narcissist in the past, this may at once confirm your experience and challenge it. We do know that a Narcissist loves being in control, craves it and indeed will go to great lengths to make sure he has as much of it as possible. But can that really be IT - the ultimate, the most important factor in his life? To illustrate why I really think so I must explain and expand the definition of the term. Of course, being in control often means having a position of power and influence over other people's feelings and behavior, and Narcissists are notorious for being very persistent in trying to gain and secure this type of control over their family and other people who are close to them. Indeed, the most egregious incidents are known to happen when the Narcissist is lead to believe he or she is losing their control of their partners.  

Setting that aside for a minute however, we can consider the broader definition of control - being in control of one's own emotions, behavior - one's life. As children, Narcissists are often made to feel powerless while simultaneously put in the position where they must prove their self-worth by performing better than an average person. This teaches them too lessons: lesson number one - your survival (because for a child approval and affection of their parent equals being able to survive) depends on how well you perform, not how you feel and only people who perform well are worthy of affection, and lesson number too - you are powerless unless you are not in full control of other people's feelings. Therefore, the power and search for control are placed externally, not internally, since controlling one's "audience's" emotions can keep one out trouble, while one's own feelings hardly matter at all.

So it is little wonder then, when a grown-up (in terms of physical form, at least) Narcissist places such great value on their ability to control other people's emotions and their actions toward the Narcissist. Because one's own feelings are rarely considered and explored, they become, by enlarge, an enigma to a Narcissists - and the further he moves away from his core, the scarier that enigma becomes. So when I say a Narcissist is most scared of losing control, I want to point out that this also means their fear of losing themselves in their own scary, uncontrollable emotions. They would much prefer to keep those locked away and would rather not open that "Pandora's box." Hence the fixation on keeping a steady stream of external stimuli, and ever more persistent attempts to control other people's view of them in hope of bringing some sense of balance in their world. 

However, there is another layer to his same fixation on control and being terrified of losing it. I would put it simply as a "fear of life". This may sound kind of absurd. But if we think about it, it is merely the extension of the same old fear of losing control. 

Every truly developed, well-functioning adult knows, and has learned to deal with the reality that life is messy, unpredictable and full of surprises - in summary - it is pretty much uncontrollable. Despite your best efforts, you never really know what is around the corner - people once madly in love get divorced, babies get born and loved ones die, and there are myriads of other things that we do not control but still have to learn how to deal with. I am convinced that the Narcissist is not truly capable of accepting this reality, and a lot of "mysterious" behavior that boggles their partner's mind can be explained by this simple fact. They are terrified of the truth - the outside world is not subject to any rational law, and therefore their life is never fully under their control. Observe anyone who you believe to be a Narcissist and I guarantee you that you will soon spot their inability to let go and let the life come to them as it will. 

Possibly due to their childhood experiences, they are convinced the the world is full of danger, ready to hurt them, nothing is as it seems and that they must be alert and up in arms at all times. They can not live with the fact that they will gain some advantages, relationship, things and lose the others, as well as accept the truth that they will lose their prime physical shape, age and die some day, just like everyone else. Their building the fantastic alter ego is just an attempt to shield themselves form unsettling reality - that they are rigid, inflexible structures that are not at ease with the ever-changing unpredictable life. All of the free-willing and smooth talking in the world can not hide away the relentless grip of control that is behind all that "charm". When they do not have anyone to control, the Narcissist are left with the cold truth: they do not know how to be at peace with themselves, their life and the fact that they do not know what is coming next. That is the most terrifying place of all.

I'd  would like to conclude with this: many people ask me how to "make" a Narcissist understand what they are going through, or how to make them feel a certain way. I am guessing there are some disgruntled victims who, at least for a time, would like to see the Narcissist suffer the consequences, than at least realize the magnitude of their (N's) issues. I say, if you want a Narcissist to finally fully face the enormity of their problem - do not try and "make" them feel a certain way - just leave them alone face to face with their own reality and they will be forced to confront the beast they have been trying so hard to escape. 

As for the people who suspect they may have Narcissistic traits, as hard as it may seem, allowing yourself to feel whatever it is that comes up in the moment and just breathing, observing it and letting it happen, then noticing that your fear of that process is largely unfounded is the only way that I know of for reversing the construction of the "wall" that keeps you isolated and incensed to real life. Judging from my own experience, being brave enough to go down this road will give you new and uniquely satisfying way to feel at peace with yourself.

 

Thank you for reading and for your support! You are welcome to check out my NPDrecovery youtube channel and share this blog to raise awareness of Narcissism and its effects on our lives.

Narcissistic mothers: mental manipulation and control.

Hi, everyone! Thank you for joining me again. 
Today, at last, we are going to continue discussion on Narcissistic mothers,  thanks to one viewer's persistent reminders. I could no longer find the comment and the name, but you know who you are - thank for your request, and thanks to all my viewers as well.

Now, to the main topic of this post: Narcissistic Mother's propensity to manipulate and control her own children.

First, let us take a look at how precisely does this manipulation occurs, and why. Let us remember a few predominant characteristics of a person with NPD. They are focused on their own view on their personality and desire to uphold that view, as well as get as much attention and praise for it as possible. Now, compare that with the normal function of a Mother: mothers are the most selfless, caring and loving human beings, because, if normal, once they have a baby, they answer the call of nature to relinquish their focus on themselves, and concentrate on doing everything possible to assure their baby's survival and well-being. 

This fundamental traits of a mother are not really compatible with the NPD-affected person't view of the world. Narcissists have never had a chance to experience nurturing and love in their own childhoods, and so they are not developed enough to be able to provide it for anyone, even their children. What they do instead is try and use their own children as sources of care and attention, as well as using them as props for getting more praise and feeling proud when interacting with other adults. So, if you unfortunate enough to be a biological child of a Narcissist, you are deprived of opportunity to experience the loving, nurturing attention we all need in order to grow and develop into functional, well-adjusted, confident and happy adults - instead you are, in turn, are a prime candidate for being yourself affected with NPD or swinging to another extreme and becoming co-dependent, and most likely entangled with another Narcissist in your adult relationships. 

Not a very happy picture, huh? Well, the good news is that you are listening to this, which means you took the time to look for solutions to the conflicts you are experiencing withing yourself, and with the right attitude and persistence there is a good chance that you will find your way to a better place in your life. Now, back to the main topic: knowing about Narcissistic mother's (or father's) inability to give love and nurturing, and their tendency to instead expect and demand it from their children, we now can take a look at a few real-life scenarios that are all too familiar to the ones who had to deal with this problem in their own childhood. 

First: golden child, naughty child scenario. It is not unusual for a Narcissistic parent to pick one child as their favorite, and concentrate all their energy on defending that choice through slandering and alienating the other "naughty child" and ostracizing them from the entire family. Now, the initial reasons for this could be very simple: chances are, the "golden" child had inadvertently provided more adoration, praise and proved their willingness to do whatever the Narcissistic parent wanted them to do. For the Narcissist, that is the dream come true, and, of course, with their inherent tendency to only focus on their own benefit, they have no qualms about openly favoring the "well behaved" child among the others. Another reason for picking the favorite could be that the child is a source of pride and added prestige to the Narcissist as a parent. 

For example, in my own family, I was always doing really well in school, while my brother was a constant source of trouble and shaming for my mother from school administrators, teachers etc. Uncomfortable as it was for me, I was always sighted as the "proper" student, while my brother was cast off as something of a troublemaker. The truth was that he has had an incredibly hard time growing up without his biological father and having to put up with constant abuse of both his step father (who was my biological father) and my mother, while both of them concentrated their attention on me as a baby and have completely fail to even try to understand how hard all of this was on my brother. Is it any wonder he has faltered in school? Of course, he has got zero compassion or understanding from my mother, while he has been berated and shamed almost daily. 

Now, as we try to understand what looks like extreme lack of compassion, as well as inability to accept real responsibility (it was, after all, my mother who was largely, though not solely, responsible for the turmoil our family was in), let us try and take a closer look at the Narcissist's way of thinking: in their world, they are already entitled to all of good things happening to them ALL the time, while any deviation from that script perceived as a glaring injustice and the Narcissist sees themselves as a center-most victim of this unfair persecution. Now, this is the particular point I would like to highlight, though I do not expect everyone to agree with me, I do believe that would be the correct way of looking on this particular disorder. 

The Narcissist's dismissal of everyone else's interest, feelings or circumstances in relation to their, Narcissist's, actions are not fully intentional. Now, most of the people who love to hate those Narcissistic quote unquote "monsters" are probably not going to like this assertion, as much as they prefer to believe that Narcissists "know exactly what they're doing" etc. etc. Well, the cold hard truth is that they are not likely to know what they are doing to you simply because they do not know how to consider the situation from your angle, so you may say they do not even begin to know how would you feel simply because it never occurs to them to consider that part.  Now, you would say how disgusting and monstrous etc. Yes, from the perspective of a healthy individual it is, however, consider this situation: would you hold a person who have never been exposed to Western civilization, say, a native in Papua New Guinea, to the same standard of table side etiquette as you would everyone else you know from your own upbringing? 

Truth is, the Narcissist never learned how to be compassionate simply because they have never reached that level of personal development, so as sad as it is, expecting them to perform as a full-functioning adult is as futile of a pursuit as to expect the member of Toulambi tribe to know how to use knife and fork. The Narcissists who are truly affected by NPD are simply incapable of conceptualizing any real emotions or feelings outside of themselves. 

Remember yourself last time you were really angry, practically livid at someone. Remember how that made you feel about other person's emotions, perspectives or what they they had to say at that moment. If you were worked up enough, chances are you couldn't care less about how they felt and what they said. Now transfer that temporary loss of ability for compassion to Narcissist's entire psyche - because while normal people revert to a lower stage in development in extreme, what their self perceives as life-threatening situations, where your own survival is of foremost importance, the Narcissist live in the world that everything is threatening and their focus is on their own self, because they can not trust the "outer" world and can not connect to it in any other way.

So, it is not like they premeditate and revel in your agony, it is just that they are incapable of perceiving it as real. Now, back to the same topic - as horrifying as it is, the same goes for Narcissist's own children - they are also perceived as a part of "other", dangerous world that needs to be arranged and controlled, in order for the ego to survive. So if the quest calls for pitting one of the children against the other, or telling lies in order to get a certain outcome or behavior - that is all acceptable, because the outcome is always what matters most. In my case, my mother told me the most horrifying stories about how my father abused her - kicked her in the belly when she was pregnant with me, once he knew she could not abort, how he beat and abused my older brother, while always dotting on me - I am sorry if this makes you feel bad now, and remember - she was not sorry when she was saying it to a 7 year old - me - when I was still missing my father terribly. She instilled in me that I should be  eternally grateful to my brother for not abusing me in turn, especially when she finally left my father 7 years later. Now, what was I supposed to do with all of this when I was that young? She was hoping that I would start hating my father and cut him off, which I did - only now realizing she just did it to spite and punish my father, and the way I felt (I still find that traumatic to think about those things even now) - that didn't matter at all... She has achieved her goal and that what was truly important. 

Now, if she really appreciated the impact that it has on me, she would also try and brainwash me into believing that was the best thing to do somehow, and she was right to bring it all up to me, but she never did such a thing, simply because she did not know and never considered the impact, and she never does even now, when she is over 60 years old. 

The main point I want to make in the video, then, while is that the outcomes of such awful behavior can scar a person for life, they were probably not intentional in a sense that a Narcissistic parent would simply dismiss the emotional impact as non-existent, rather than knowingly causing it to you. While Narcissists are really shrewd at planning their mental and verbal strategies, they are not as good in appreciating the extend of the damage their actions wreck on the feelings of their nearest and dearest. 

Here is the corresponding video for this post, that goes over the same material we have discussed here:

Thank you for visiting and I will see you in the next post!

Translation from "Narcissist speak" + a few words on upcoming ebook

Delusion Dispeller, another youtube voice on the subject of Narcissism, had a couple of videos made where she attempted to explain what a Narcissist really thinks when they say something (you can search for her on youtube to find out more) That gave me a pause and made me think what is it that I routinely say (or, rather, what I used to say when I was a lot less conscious of my emotions and motivations) and what those message would really mean if I could translate them from "Narcissist speak." I looked back at the time when emotional manipulation and blackmail were a big part of my act, and these are main "offenders" I came up with: 

When a Narcissist says:  "You are..." - insert offensive term, they really  mean:  "My Ego is threatened by your demeanor and/or behavior and so I jump into "attack" mode in order distract myself from painful realizations about my true place in the world, as well as re-direct my anger at an external source, namely - you."

When he or she says: "I can no longer trust you", they really mean "I feel like I am loosing control over you and can not easily manipulate you into doing what I want, and so I feel powerless, resent and looking to punish you through making you feel less privy to my confidence. Now give me assurances and make me feel like I am on top again" Needless to say - do not take the bait and try to explain yourself to win their trust over again - simply take the statement as a given and move on. Watch them try to conceal their displeasure or confusion, then just keep on keeping on.

When a Narcissist says: "I love you" that may mean many things, for example they are looking to flatter you in order to fool you into doing what they want, or they need some time to think their next step over, but even assuming that they themselves half-believe what they say, they really just mean: 
"I feel good around you and I want more of that feeling."

When a Narcissist says: "I am going to destroy you", which could be a surprisingly quick leap from the previous statement, they are really saying "I feel like the only way to support my disintegrating ego is to  try and humiliate, intimidate and control you. I will do what I can to diminish you so I can recover from the wound I feel you caused me." 

Finally, if the Narcissist says: "Please don't leave me" that means "I am too desperate for attention right now, but I resent how helpless that makes me feel, so I will make you pay for that humiliation as soon as I feel better"

These are the most significant phrases that came to mind when I was pondering that question the original video posed for me.  If you have any more habitual phrases from Narcissist's  repertoire, or some that you are curious about, please feel free to share it! As always, I am looking forward to hearing from you guys. 

Here is the corresponding video for this post that goes over the same material we have discussed here:

Thank you again for your interest and support! Best wishes and I hope to see you again soon!

Cheat sheet for dealing with a Narcissistic person

Hello, everyone! Thank you so much for your patience and support - I am glad I can finally make another post. In this one we will discuss a few important things that help you stay safe when dealing with Narcissist. I will list the main points and then briefly summarize the essence of each one.  As usual, I hope that you do let me know what you think and add your own points based on your experience and thoughts - I thank all viewers who share their own wisdom and help others overcome difficult times, your input is much appreciated and are always welcome to the discussion.

Now, moving on to our first point. This one is most likely understood by you since you are reading this, but I will underline it anyway, as it is important and it is also good to point out you are already making proactive choices in bettering your future interactions. The first points is to educate yourself, so you can tell a Narcissist beforehand and avoid him or her. Sounds obvious, doesn't it? I guess so, but for the sake of completion, I included this as well.


The second point is - make yourself Narcissist-proof by understanding true self-esteem. I think the best way to describe true self esteem is as profound belief that EVERY living being has intrinsic value as a unique expression of the creative power, and every one of us is to be treated with respect, no matter what is our status or appearances. In other words, there is no need to think that you are better or less than anyone else. IF you make this your real life motto and avoid engaging Ego-driven people on the level that will suck you into their drama, than it is very unlikely that you are going to appeal to, and as a consequence, be hurt by a Narcissist. Their egos thrive on completion-driven drama, and if you are over those games, than they will not find anything to draw you in.


The third point I would like to discuss is a very important one, and though I have talked about it in my other videos, I feel compelled to highlight it again. Please, DO NOT ignore or excuse warning signs. IF you notice something that doesn't feel or sound right - take time to honestly evaluate it. It will save you lots of grief and time in the future. If you see the person treating a waiter or a sub-ordinate condescendingly, if you see them kicking their pet or telling insensitive jokes - take notice. What a person does when they think it is of no consequence says a lot about them. Think about it: would a goodhearted, compassionate person really laugh at another's misfortune? Would they find their "superior" position so intoxicating that they had to put others down just to feel more important? Can you really trust a person who seems to delight in feeling "better-than"? The trickiest situations will present a mixed bag of good and not-so-good qualities and opportunities all mixed up.

For example, I recently met a brilliant, energetic, driven man who also acts appallingly patronizing and disrespectful toward his girlfriend. He also finds my company very desirable and never allows such behavior towards me. Starved for intellectually stimulating company as I was, I quickly realized that should I accept his interest and his many "favors" at the start of our relationship, I will only be in for a familiar ride of "idealization-devaluation" and before long I will be treated the same way, if not worse, than his loyal girlfriend is treated now. I allowed myself no excuses and no second guesses as I made for a quick exit. MY body instantly felt more relaxed and uplifted, which had only confirmed what I already knew to be true, no matter how attractive his energy, drive and conversational skills might have been.

Time to move on to our forth point: once you have seen the "red flags" make every effort to distance yourself, do not engage in any kind of meaningful contact, even if you must interact socially, and, if you have already entered the relationship, exit as soon as possible. In most cases, there is no point in confronting the Narcissist with "the truth", as it will only lead to more engagement, confusion and emotional entanglements. Just chalk it up to be "lesson learned" an move on as quickly and efficiently as possible. Remember that your job is to protect and uplift yourself - you are not obligated to sacrifice your own well-being for someone else's sole benefit.

Point number five deals with the situation when complete severance of relationship is not possible:
Be firm on your rights and boundaries, establish clear rules for what you will and will not tolerate and NEVER waiver on those. The last part is important, because Narcissists, somewhat like children, will take your being lenient once as a signal that they the rules do not really matter all that much to you, and the next time will try every trick in the book to make their way around your boundaries again. Once you said "No" it must be a complete and unwavering No, which will communicate precision and establish firm limits and consequences for breaking those limits in the future.


This brings us to point six: Document every undesirable conduct and inform future sources of support as soon as possible. Now, I know this may sound daunting, but this also is very important in cases of domestic, workplace, or pretty much any other abuse. Even if you feel assaulted and, as a consequence, very confused and traumatized emotionally (something that many abusers count on) - please make an effort of taking the incident very seriously in terms of documenting its occurrence and making it known to appropriate authorities.

 For example, if your coworker has been verbally abusive and intimidating, do not wait to inform your supervisor and, if need be, an H R specialist at your company as soon as possible. There is no point in waiting for things to "improve" on their own (they hardly ever do), and the abuser only will take your perceived compliance as a sign of weakness and as a signal to go right ahead and continue or even escalate their abuse.

Tell everyone who may be your potential sources of support when, where and how precisely the incident happened - the more people know, the more of them may act, advocate and testify on your behalf should the matter reach the level of official inquest, as it routinely does. While dealing with authorities, communicate as clearly as you can, resist the urge to "enhance" certain facts in your favor and stir clear of getting overly accusatory or emotional. Now, this last bit may not seem fair, but as a matter of practical advice it will really help you if you do stay calm. Police officers, court officials, high level managers and supervisors are dealing with untold amounts of human drama in their professional lives, and less compassionate ones may be tempted to dismiss your entire testimony if they suspect you are trying to stir events in your favor by appealing to their emotional side. Remember, they are trained to be equally discriminating of both sides of the conflict, and in the effort to do so they may sometimes appear callous, or even downright unreasonable, but this is the way they see their duty and you are better off getting prepared ahead of time and presenting your case in as impersonal and fact-based way as possible. 

It is also important to clearly understand your position on the matter, and NEVER waver from it while communicating with authorities. Leave your private ruminating and grieving to your own safe environment - there is not point in sharing your doubts and demonstrating your less-than-complete resolve to authorities. They are likely to just translate it as more of pointless work for them, and try and wiggle their way out of really addressing the matter. Classic example, of course, would be a spouse who calls police to restrain their abusive partner only to start having second thoughts at the precinct and end up not pressing charges or asking to release the offender. To the officers, such situations are a let down and a waste of time, and this is likely to be evident the next time you, or even another victim in the area contacts them. Please do yourself and others a favor and stand firm for your rights, your dignity and your safety.

Finally, if possible, avoid berating and emotionally pressuring the Narcissist, since, by the nature of the disorder, it is more likely to lead to long rage-filled denial-based tirades than to any real progress. Instead, if possible, try and express some understanding and a little bit of compassion towards them, while at the same time re-affirming your boundaries. For example, you may say something like this: "I understand the difficulties you are having, but I must repeat that this behavior is unacceptable to me, no matter what brought it on." This way you are not vilifying or pushing away the person as much as you reject their behavior, and believe it or not, it may make a difference in the amount of emotional push-back you are likely to get. Just keep asserting your right to be treated with respect and dignity and be sure that they understand that you are prepared to do what is necessary to protect those rights, while still having compassion towards them as a person having difficulties handling their emotions and perceptions of others. I think this compassionate attitude, if you are able to muster it, is best kept as a steady emotional background while interacting with the Narcissist, not as a consistently verbalized statement for them to react to. They do not have emotional maturity to handle that type of feedback and are likely to interpret it as condescending and/or patronizing and therefore insulting. However, if kept as an emotional base for every interaction, I believe this attitude can be helpful, even if just in keeping you calm and centered.

Thank you for reading! As usual, I am grateful for your comments.
Thank you for your continuous support. I am wishing you all a blessed day!

Please share this post to raise awareness of Narcissism and its effects on relationships.
Thank you!